PU-PUM

Flor is 38 years old, she is in Italy from Venezuela to try for a better life. Separated, she has a son, Luis, 17 years old with a particular sensitivity and a subtle humor that makes you smile. He doesn't stay still for more than two minutes, he runs or walks quickly, he scrutinizes you, tilts his head and then shifts his gaze. He's an autistic boy, but he shrugs and says that's not true. When her mother talks about him she calls him "my Luis". Once they arrive in Italy they show up at the police station to apply for asylum and request reception measures, but there are no free places in the centres. They are hosted by compatriots at unaffordable prices. Then they turn to Sermig.

One evening when Flor returns, she experiences acute pain in her lower abdomen. She thinks of an infection and goes to hospital: «Ma'am, no infection, you're pregnant!» the doctor tells her. «And her sacs are 2, she is pregnant with twins». The children belong to the partner with whom she shared the last seven years and from whom she separated badly before leaving for Italy. The anguish rises dramatically. Panic grips her. She continually repeats: "I no puedo, no puedo". She has no home, no job, no documents and then there's Luis with her difficulties. She sets the break for the following week. Flor is at the beginning of her pregnancy, we advise her to give herself some time to make a decision in a more calm state. She accepts our proposal, she also knows that anxiety is a bad advisor. She doesn't cancel, but she postpones the appointment. One evening some blood loss made one think of a miscarriage and so again she was sent to the hospital.
The gynecologist makes her sit down and begins to circumnavigate Flor's belly with her probe. At a certain point a sound: PU-PUM PUPUM PU-PUM: the heartbeat, first of one, then of the other child. The doctor knows nothing of Flor's anguish, he reassures her and explains that the children are fine. Flor leaves the visit: PU-PUM PU-PUM, she repeats continuously, accompanying the sound with the movement of the hand that opens and closes into a fist. PU-PUM PU-PUM: the sound of life comes louder than the noise of a thousand thoughts that flood the mind. Flor bursts into tears, but this time it is a liberating cry. «PU-PUM, I no puedo quitarlos, no puedo.» Flor knows well that the road will be all uphill, but she also knows that she is not alone. Last Sunday, a month early, 2 beautiful children were born: Luisa and Javier. PU-PUM PU-PUM.


Simona Pagani
NP December 2023