Full of pampering

Fatherhood and the custody of a new life

Just five seconds have passed, but maybe it's better to check again, approach with extreme delicacy, touch without touching, then break something again, almost lean your head on that little ball that squeezes your fists towards infinity and, in addition to reclaiming its peace , feel if that little heart still really beats. Taking a breath, feeling exhausted and satisfied as after an open heart operation, in which the miracle of that little existence still alive is only thanks to you, but a moment later you are filled with fear because that so regular and tranquil heartbeat is overwhelmed by a uncontrolled series of very loud sobs that seem to toss that little ball of love in two.

They had never told me it would be the most beautiful gift, I had never heard it said anywhere or from any voice. I had heard of the economic and social costs of the falling birth rate, of the important and extremely serious problems connected with demographic decline, I had listened to very long speeches on procreation and fertilization, the morality which should have the first and last word, at this point the unique, to establish what and when was right or not. Of life that changed and almost ended, due to an infinite series of renunciations, commitments, annoyances. I had learned to shut up and be quiet without knowing the beauty and wonder behind it all.

Wonder is the word I hear ad nauseam from everyone now. It's the happiness in the eyes of almost unknown young men, who as soon as they saw that belly grow giant like an elephant and swell up to bursting, welcomed you in the time of superpowers, embracing you with complicity as if you've been friends forever. With eyes that sparkled for that crazy cool they had just experienced and that would soon turn your life upside down too, giving you the greatest blessing: the magical moment in which, without doing anything, you were reborn in front of the little life that came out of the doghouse it had found in a belly, and it appeared before your eyes and a moment later it ended up trembling and crying in your hands, with no other desire than to find something to suck as soon as possible to ensure survival.

And now you're here, checking every five minutes, as if you were the best expert, that life regularly takes its course, little heart that beats, little ass that doesn't smell, air that enters and air that goes out, hours staring at a yawn, receive a look and pretend it's a smile, wait for the longed-for burp. The hope that those scary hiccups won't come and that the spots on the skin that appear every day in a different place disappear. The little screams that ask for a little cuddles so they don't grow up, are the words you can't say yet; you don't see or hear what's around, but the greatest fear, which triggers the alarm system, is the one we should all have: being alone. To overcome it, all you need to do is be taken safely out of a cold cradle and find yourself in arms that take you and hold you in some way, paying the utmost attention not to break you and not lose you. Contact with another life is instantaneous consolation, protection against all bad guys, a full pampering that makes all problems disappear, apart from hunger. Let's make it work like this forever?

Marco Grossetti

NP Agosto-Settembre 2022