We build together

When we were expecting our second child, Samuele, the doctor who followed me told us about children that one plus one never equals two, it does "more". It was a joke, but - like every joke - it hides a profound truth that applies not only to children, but also to married life and relationships.
One plus one, plus one and again... is a sum that in the family, as in the fraternity, does not follow mathematical logic; it's all a balance of relationships that need to be reconstructed and calibrated every day. It is often difficult to orient relationships according to the logic of good because we are moved by pride, by the desire to be recognized, by wanting to be right at all costs. In short, from selfishness.

Often what matters is the logic of possession, that thought that whispers in my ear that my husband, my children must think exactly as I think and therefore give me reason a priori, always. If so, it's up to them to step back.
The biggest difficulty is accepting that others are different from me, that they may have a different gaze from mine... which then - perhaps - is the right one! Or, even better, that by putting the looks together, we will find the most complete vision.
In our history we want to experience the family as a gift that we have received and that we are called to protect. For us, marriage is truly a sacrament, a reflection of a greater love, not our work.

The first step is knowing how to listen and avoid falling into the habit and mistake of taking the person next to you for granted. Thinking you know everything about him, about her. At the beginning it was difficult to find ourselves different, but over time it was important to leave room for amazement to try not to fall into the habit.
A second step is to keep your heart open to new things. The person who is next to us and, perhaps especially the children, are treasures that can go beyond our expectations. A friend told us: children are the closest presence to us, they grow within us, but they are and will be a mystery to be kept and welcomed, capable of bringing unexpected new things. If we live with the desire to bring out the beauty of the other, these innovations can find space.

This does not mean that quarrels and clashes are banned from the family context, on the contrary! Conflict is part of our day. But we are trying to learn to argue well. Let's try to give ourselves a method even in arguing: knowing how to apologize, expect, choose to listen to the other, put him first, wish him well.
Peace in the family is not my peace or the peace of the single member, but the peace built together. Only if we are all well can we think we are at peace. We believe that living peace is trying to walk together by holding together the uniqueness of each one, the weaknesses and strengths that characterize us, aware that alone it is not possible.
When entrusted to the Lord, even if it is not simple, it becomes possible.

Valentina Turinetto
Focus - Peace is learned
NP August / September 2022