Dog in, dog out

As mentioned last month, I am a recent dog owner. Before giving in to the pressing demand of the whole family, I took the liberty of drawing up a small informal contract in 4 points.
Point 1: let it be clear that the dog is a dog and is not a human being.
Point 2: be clear that you will be the one to collect anything that comes out of the animal's body.
Point 3: you will take care of feeding him.
And, above all, point 4: the dog, as an animal and not a human being, must never enter the house.

Does everyone agree? Yes. Contract signed. The following month after the arrival of the little animal, I unfortunately decide to accompany my wife to the vet. The veterinarian (whom I greet) and a dog trainer passing by are present in the room.
Once inside, my wife asks the two a somewhat ambiguous question: "Do you think it is better for the dog to stay in the house or outside?". I think to myself, what question is that? We are here to get the vaccine, we all already know the answer: the dog stays outside! And if we then go to the beautician to ask if he sees me better with hair on my back or without...

The vet (whom I greet) gives her verdict: "But do you really want to deprive yourself of the pleasure of having this creature in front of the fireplace?". At which the trainer scrutinizes me as if to detect any kind of reaction in me and/or to see if I too was one of those horrible cynophobes that people talk about.
I try to say: "We're actually here to get the vaccine, not to decide whether my dog stays in or out." The trainer looks at me as if I were the most horrible person on the planet and blurts out: "To keep him out, you could have not taken a dog like that."
Wow, in no time at all we've already almost come to blows. I would like to tell you that, if you want, I will send you a copy of the contract, but I don't.
Moral of the story: now the dog is in the house because I am the alpha male and there is no arguing about this... and as my grandfather used to say: «Never ask the butcher if he has any courgettes».

Andrea Gotico
NP November 2023