Alibi, when the target escapes

The term alibi, in law, is used to refer to a logical proof based on which it is intended to demonstrate that someone accused of a crime could not have been in the place where it occurred. By extension, alibi has become synonymous with mitigating circumstances, justification (source: Wikipedia).

Nepal is a land full of golden stupas and shrouded in the adventurous charm of the Himalayas. Kathmandu, its vibrant capital, a place that resonates with the chanting of mantras and the smell of burning incense in its squares crowded with friendly and helpful people. An ideal place to capture perfect shots.
In 2013, I had decided to participate in some of the prestigious photography competitions with the dream of winning at least one. The colours, the people, the omnipresent spirituality that I had in front of me were all elements that combined to compose my ideal picture.
But, despite my good intentions and the beauty that surrounded me, I couldn't take photographs. The days and weeks passed, but the long-awaited goal remained elusive. I continually reviewed the photographs I had taken. Monks praying silently, children playing in the dusty courtyards, women wrapped in their colorful dresses. Yet, nothing seemed worthy and perfect enough to be submitted to a photo contest. Apparently I took refuge behind a veil of pretexts, I blamed the bad light, the wrong angles.
Weather conditions, my favorite excuse.
“Today it's cloudy, there aren't the right light conditions for a winning image. Better to let it go." Days of rain, fog or dark clouds became justifications for not going further, for not experimenting or testing myself.

Then, came the technical issues. “My equipment is not sophisticated enough to achieve the desired result. I can't compete with those professionals who have the latest equipment available." Again, the human factor offered me another excuse. “The people in this city are uninteresting, they have no engaging stories to tell through my photographs.”
I didn't even make an effort to get closer or look for the unique and intriguing side that each individual has.
I simply looked at my photographs with a critical eye, rather than trying to turn limitations into opportunities.
I was fighting a battle against myself. I was afraid. Fear that my work wasn't up to par, fear of failure. I found alibis, excuses, which became little amulets to protect me from the fear of rejection. My failure lay not in the city's busy streets or its fleeting shadows, but within myself.
Nepal, with its majestic mountains and deep valleys, is a reflection of ourselves. Sometimes it reveals our most hidden abysses or makes us touch the pinnacles of who we are.
Only by persevering and continuing to search, explore, take, even fail, in the end I obtained many imperfect photographs, which however told authentic moments of life which, in hindsight, is never perfect.
I have learned that it is not necessarily the prize or external recognition that must be pursued but, to obtain good photographs it is preferable to seek harmony with oneself. The finish line will come accordingly.
And so, in the streets of Kathmandu, between a chai and a prayer in the wind, I discovered that the biggest pitfall are the alibis we use to justify inaction or lack of results.

Roberto Cristaudo
NP October 2023