Inside the storm

Almost a year after the start of the pandemic, you can find interesting articles, texts and studies that try to highlight the crucial aspects. As for me, I have drawn attention to some of those linking the pandemic to the health of today's children and adolescents. There are many reasons for alarm and concern regarding the way in which young people are reacting to the numerous restrictions imposed by the need to contain the infection, but there are also reasons for hope and comfort.

In fact, there are those who argue that prolonged stressful situations (such as the one we have all been experiencing for months) can strengthen us psychologically, pushing us to consider new priorities and take more positive attitudes. After all, in history, calamities and disasters have often made all citizens feel part of a common event, giving a sense of belonging and thus stimulating many people to re-orientate mutual relations in the best possible way. It would therefore not be the "quantity" or intensity of stress to which one is exposed to hurt, but the way in which it is experienced: it is the meaning we attribute to obstacles that determines our reaction! Sometimes we adults spend a lot of energy to disguise - first of all to ourselves - what we are experiencing, because it seems too heavy, unexpected and unfair. And so we also do with our children, perhaps not saying things as they are, without realizing that they immediately notice the incongruity between our words and the expression of our face and our authentic feelings. Instead, it is necessary to look for the right words to describe what is happening even to the little ones, in a delicate way and suited to their age and sensitivity. But the opposite is also true: if we are too distressed or angry and we transfer our most intense and chaotic emotional manifestations onto them without filters, we end up invading their minds and demanding a maturity that they cannot yet have reached. As in all things, a lot of balance is needed: better to take a step back, stop and think, balance our needs with those of others, and only after acting or making decisions, with wisdom and a bit of irony (which never hurts …).

With older children and teenagers, so caught up in the search for novelty and autonomy, the need for constant involvement with peers, the unpredictable mood swings and the chronic tendency to opposition, it is perhaps better to show yourself safe and ready to withstand the conflict even in this difficult situation. Few certain rules, witnessed by the practical example, are more useful than many speeches: you need to structure and mark your daily time well even if you stay at home, it is good to increase physical activity and decrease the amount of time spent in contact with social media (very recent large-scale studies show that the greater the exposure to various types of media with news about the pandemic, the greater the risk of experiencing anxiety disorders) and remind yourself and others that you can to be isolated, but not alone. Isolation and loneliness are two very different things. Let's ask ourselves honestly: which of the two do we think in our hearts to have been condemned by the lockdown? And what are we willing to put into play to stop complaining, change style and get out of it? "When the storm is over, you probably won't even know how you managed to cross it and get out alive. In fact, you won't even be sure it's really over. But on one point there is no doubt: it is that you - having come out of that wind - will not be the same one who entered it. Yes, that's the meaning of that storm" (Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the beach).


Gabriella Delpero
NP February 2021