Breaking the Chains: It is possible to stop hate

In the Bible, even in the words of Jesus, "to hate" often simply means "to love less," as in the famous saying: "If anyone wants to follow me and does not hate his father and mother, he cannot be my disciple."
Jesus certainly doesn't want to repeal the fourth commandment, nor to stir up family hatred, even though he knows he is the object of divisions even within families because of faith. We've all often faced choices, and we must admit that we love certain things and certain people more than others, and that we simply struggle to love certain people, to be kind to them, to sacrifice even a small thing, a small amount of time, to please them. As languages—Greek, Latin, and the Romance languages—have evolved, we've learned to nuance our expressions more. Even when gripped by passion, we use expressions like "I love it," "I hate it." We're well versed in less absolute expressions and recognize that a cake isn't worshipped as if it were the source of our life, and a person, perhaps even a little known, isn't so oppressive that we wish they didn't even exist anymore. Hatred, in fact, is a feeling that makes me aware that I can't be happy if that person exists, so the only way to find joy in life is to eliminate those we perceive as enemies. One of the problems of war and all forms of violence is that they trap people, making them victims, in a prison of hatred from which they can't escape and which, like a dark monster, reappears every time something beautiful touches us.

War creates hatred, and so does murder, a scam that ruins a family, and so many other things. And hatred breeds more hatred in a seemingly unstoppable chain.
In The Betrothed, Alessandro Manzoni depicted a wealth of human problems, including hatred, and wanted to outline a possible solution, a way to stop it, something very evangelical.
Jesus spoke of forgiveness, which is not easy to practice and is never definitive.
It remains a challenge deep within a wounded heart. Friar Christopher asked for forgiveness, humbling himself and defying the possible wrath and vengeance of the family of the knight he had killed. His attitude shocked the enemy family, but it was certainly not a sure thing. They could have killed him, even though a religious man was not supposed to kill himself back then. He wanted, in any case, to stop the chain of hatred that had developed.
Each of us is called to act in this direction, quickly putting an end to even small hostilities that can become serious. This requires great inner freedom, freedom from pride, from presumed entitlement, from self-interest, even from a certain way of experiencing affection: revenge is never a right, nor something that brings serenity, much less happiness.

Peace of heart is something that does good, brings serenity and allows joy, but few truly seek it, few know the path to it, few trust in goodness, because they don't trust that apparent losses are often real gains, even if we generally seek them from the opposite side from where they come. Yet, human wisdom, and not just evangelical wisdom, knows the path and can show it because the suffering of those who have honestly sought it becomes a wealth to be shared. It is a wealth that is passed down and grows from generation to generation, for those who are willing to listen.

Cesare Falletti
NP December 2025