A natural perversion

Either because we were the last of the brothers exposed to the tyranny of the elders, or the first on whom mom and dad's expectations were focused, or the middle one welcomed with less amazement. Or maybe because an illness or disability or social disadvantage or childhood drama has put us in a corner: any psychological reason is good to motivate the pain of one's own insignificance and the imperious need to be recognized. But it is precisely the acceptance of one's own insignificance that is the beginning (and only the beginning) of a deep interior life. Our spiritual masters, the Fathers, did not mince words (empty turns around our ego): that feeling there, that painful need there is called vainglory. The end. "It is not glory that is an evil, but rather vainglory", says St. Maximus. Indeed, not just any evil but "a form of madness", adds Chrysostom. The folly of aspiring to praise “according to the flesh” is the perversion of “love for the glory of heaven” (John Climacus). But isn’t it human to desire to be recognized? What we consider “human,” “natural,” if we live it “naturally,” that is, according to instinct, in spiritual life—if that’s what we want to live—is a perversion. The feelings we experience “naturally” were put inside us to be transformed and become an opening to eternal life, redemption, our resurrection.

It’s a question of goals, says Climacus. What is the goal we set ourselves? With what intention do we set out to “do good”? Let’s say it’s to resemble at least a little He who said: “Beware of practicing your good works before men to be admired by them” (Mt 6:2), because that admiration would become your only reward. Horizontal, earthly, therefore mortal, indeed deadly. You would be like "those who draw water from fountains and without realizing it, they also pull out a frog... because we often mix vice with the virtue we practice." Especially if they are virtues "connected to humility, vainglory insinuates itself everywhere as nourishment or rather as harm" (Scala XXVI, 154).

I feel worse if we expect our "practicing good" before everyone's eyes to be recognized as the banner of our faith. But how? Do we "do good" for Christ and in Christ and no one notices? Let's say we have committed ourselves - with good will - to "evangelizing" to resemble He who said: "Woe to you, when all men speak well of you" (Lk 6:26). Demanding to be recognized is then the worst vainglory. The first remedy for this type of vainglory is to give a name to our true intention. That is, looking inside yourself without pity, finding the snake that loves to curl up in the darkest corner so as not to be discovered, and naming it: just calling it “vainglory” empties it of its poison. Climacus says in his Ladder: there is only one way to fight such vainglory, silence and hiding. But “if you find yourself in the middle of the world, do what brings you dishonor.” Pride “heals by seeking dishonorable conditions.” The beginning of victory is “love for humiliations.” If you want to be known by God, seek to be despised. Can’t you do it? At least ignored, then: humility is the freedom that Jesus offers us. If He finds it, authentic, sincere, in our heart, “He who has always been invisible” intervenes to help us be naked. Naked and poor like Christ naked and poor. Then yes, truly in Him.


Flaminia Morandi
NP November 2024